Habits of Remarkably Likable People, Part 1

When you meet someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you're a little shy and a little insecure. But you want to make a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.

Here's how remarkably likeable people do it:

They Lose The Power Pose

Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward and shake hands with a firm grip.

It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's more about you than it is the other person …. and no one likes that.

No matter how big a deal you are you pale in comparison to say, oh, Nelson Mandela. So take a cue from him. Watch how he greets Bill Clinton, no slouch at this either.

Clinton takes a step forward (avoiding the "you must come to me" power move); Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly, to bow (a clear sign of deference and respect in nearly every culture); Clinton does the same. What you have are two important people who put aside all sense of self-importance or status. They're genuine.

Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honoured by the introduction, not them.

We all like people who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly start to like me. And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves and let me be myself.

They Embrace The Power Of Touch

Nonsexual touch can be very powerful. And yes, I am aware that sexual touch can be powerful too. Touch can influence behaviour, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.

Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening.

Check out Clinton's right-hand-shakes-hands-left-hand-touches-Mandela's-forearm-a-second-later handshake in the link above and tell me, combined with his posture and smile, that it doesn't come across as genuine and sincere.

Think the same won't work for you? Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know, touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you'll feel like a more genuine greeting was exchanged.
Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person - a key component in liking and in being liked.

They Whip Out Their Social Jiu-Jitsu

You meet someone. You talk for 15 minutes. You walk away thinking, "Wow, we just had a great conversation. She is awesome." Then, when you think about it later, you realize you didn't learn a thing about the other person.

Remarkably likable people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ masters are fascinated by every step you took in creating a particularly clever spreadsheet to you’re your sleep patterns, by every decision you made when you transformed a 1972 Volkswagen Beetle into an award winning classic, if you do say so yourself...

SJJ masters use their interest, their politeness, and their social graces to cast an immediate spell on you. And you like them for it.

Social jiu-jitsu is easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how, or why, or who.

As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask how they did it? Or why they did it? Or what they liked about it, or what they learned from it, or what you should do if you're in a similar situation? No one gets too much recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another person's opinion - and, by extension, the person. We all like people who respect us, if only because it shows they display great judgment.

Part 2 ,to follow, the same time and same place next week...........