Motivational Monday: Make Yourself Proud!

When you’re struggling with changing a habit or pulling yourself out of a state of a tailspin, it’s tempting to think that the cause of your failure is due to a lack of willpower, talent or commitment. 

It can be a crushing experience to dwell on how hard it is to take your life to the place you’d hoped it to be right now.

But the problem may have nothing to do with willpower. It may have nothing to do with “you” at all. The real problem may be with the identity you’ve constructed for yourself.

When Self-Talk Goes Bad

When you construct an opinion about someone else, you develop it based on a number of factors: what you’ve heard, what you have read people saying about the person, what you’ve seen of their behaviour yourself, and (most importantly), what you’ve decided those observations mean.

You decide someone else is generous or selfish, fun or boring, a success or a failure, based on the way you put those pieces together (whether your observations are correct or not). And once you construct that “first impression,” it’s very, very likely that it will never change.

If your first impression is overwhelmingly good, then you’ll “colour” everything that person does in a positive light (we’ve all seen people who could “do no wrong” in another’s eyes). If your first impression is bad, then everything that person does gets coloured negatively (and you’ve probably experienced this firsthand if someone gets the wrong impression about you).

In fact, your “first impression” may be completely influenced by what someone else has said about a person before you’ve even met them, locking in that perceived identity. You’ll never give that person a fair chance or see their actions in an objective light, and that’s tragic.

What’s even more tragic, though, is how this phenomenon comes back to bite you. If you believe people have negative impressions of you, then you start to “colour” the perception of your own identity as well.

      It could be as simple as someone giving you a funny look or ignoring you – you may find yourself asking “What’s wrong with me?”

      Or perhaps a much hoped for goal doesn’t work out, and you imagine that people are disappointed in you, and you dwell on this thought: “Why can’t I get anything right?”

Notice I used words like “believe” and “imagined” in those earlier paragraphs – as human beings, we’re very quick to jump to the conclusion that people are thinking negatively of us. And of course, when that happens, we’re going to feel too ashamed or scared to ask people what they’re really feeling. So we stick with our imaginings.

The Downward Spiral

This kind of negative self-talk sets us on a downward spiral, where we worry more and more about looking bad in front of others and we get paralysed wondering why we can’t be “better” people. With all the things we worry about on a daily basis, and in the shadow of all those other “successes” we don’t feel worthy of, is it any wonder we feel like failures and shams?

And the more we worry, the more we keep these worries to ourselves, lest someone find out “how screwed up we really are.” But the truth is, we really aren’t that screwed up. 

We’ve just taken all these observations about what we’ve done (or haven’t done) and combined them with things other people have said and things we imagine they must be thinking about us.

And all of this combined paints a powerful picture of ourselves that we strongly identify with … and that identity determines our actions – every single one of them.

Think about it:

      If you think you’re a failure, how strongly will you take action to succeed?

      If you think you’re unlikable/unlovable, how much will you put your heart on the line or pursue new experiences to connect with people?

      If you think you have nothing of value to offer the world (or even one person), how often will you actually try to offer what you do have?

I say from my own experience. I’ve felt all these things myself, and I’ve also traveled down this downward spiral. And though I’m not a psychiatrist, I can tell you a very effective way to start pulling yourself out of this painful descent.

Make Yourself Proud And You Construct A New Identity

What I’m going to tell you to do right now is so simple that you can get on it in the next 30 minutes. You may feel some significant resistance to it if you’re stuck far down on the spiral, but don’t give up on yourself. Here’s what you need to do right now:  Take one small action that you can be personally proud of.

That’s all. 

Do one thing today that flies in the face of your negative self-conditioning.

      If you believe you’re a junk-food addict, then trade one single can of Coke for a glass of water. Make yourself proud of this tiny act of rebellion.

      If you’re telling yourself you’re a lazy couch potato, take one five minute walk today, or walk the stairs in your office one time. Make yourself proud that you did something today.

      If you believe no one wants to talk to you, find one person you know of and email them something supportive and make their day. Make yourself proud that you had the guts to try.

I’m not telling you do something earth shattering here, but this one small act can have massive repercussions if you repeat it (or do similar actions) on a daily basis. By rebelling against your negative identity you’re effectively weakening it.

By making yourself proud on a regular basis, you’re going to gradually overwrite that negative identity as a positive one takes shape. If you’re that junk-food addict, you’re eventually going to start saying, “I’m not really an addict- after all, I have one piece of fresh fruit a day,” and before long something amazing will happen: your new, positive identity will spur you to make better choices.

If you’re used to eating a little fruit a day, you start seeing yourself as a more health-conscious person – it becomes part of your identity – and it makes it easier to make choices that are congruent with that identity.

You know this is true – just look at how your negative identity makes it easier for you to take the weak actions that support it. As you construct a stronger positive identity, making choices that support it won’t require as much effort. It will just feel like something that “makes sense” to do.

Your Assignment: Tell Me What You’ll Do To Make Yourself Proud

Take a moment and think of what’s bugging you in your life, and what single action you can take today to make yourself proud. Is it making one better meal choice? Is it closing all your browser windows and focusing for 45 minutes on your work? Is it taking time to spend with someone you’ve neglected?

Think about it, and post it in the comments below. If you’re not comfortable putting your name, just put “Ass-Kicker” in the name field and no one will know who you are. Just put it in writing, and get it done today.

Do it now – you’ll thank yourself for it.

The Science of Becoming a Champion Like Rory McIlroy

He is not the first pro golfer to hit the gym every day, but he may be the most innovative.

Three Super Bowl quarterbacks walk into a gym early one morning, only to find a 5-foot-10 Northern Irishman already there. This is no joke. It happened in March at Augusta National Golf Club. Rory McIlroy, the world’s best golfer, was doing his usual pre-dawn workout when in walked Tom Brady, followed a few minutes later by Peyton Manning and his brother Eli. 

That’s seven Super Bowl championships and four major golf titles, if you’re keeping score. Also an average of about 6-feet-4 inches of American football muscle. 

“That was my time to leave,” McIlroy joked later.

Working out is no laughing matter for McIlroy. His success over the past four years — four major titles, number-one world ranking, huge Nike contract — might not have happened without the body he built in order to reach the top and stay there.

Staying power impresses the 25-year-old superstar. “They’re so dedicated and committed to what they do,” McIlroy said of the 30-something quarterbacks. “To see them putting so much into it even after 15 successful years of a career, it was great for me to see. It was inspirational in some ways.”

McIlroy, leader of a new breed of superfit golfers, is in the gym almost every day, carrying a year’s worth of carefully calibrated workouts on his phone.

He is playing at Augusta for the Masters and an attempt to complete the career Grand Slam — he’s already won the U.S. and British Opens, plus two PGA Championships. Attention will justly be paid to McIlroy’s gorgeous swing and level head, his booming drives and confident short game.

But underneath it all (including Nike clothing customized for that full-turning swing) is the body. McIlroy still had the whippy swing of a teenager — a corkscrew with arms — when trainer Steve McGregor, Ph.D., began working with him in 2010. McGregor also saw warning signs of conditions that have wrecked golf careers: a tricky back, shoulder impingement, and a body out of balance.

Now McIlroy has the physique anyone would envy — strong yet flexible, solid at the base, and well-proportioned. And, naturally, abs. 

Of course, 21st-century golf is full of fit bodies: Camillo Villegas, Dustin Johnson, Adam Scott, Tiger Woods, among others. 

McIlroy is somewhat different. He has combined uncanny natural ability with a body built with science and sweat.

“Rory’s not the first person to work out for golf,” says McGregor, whose doctorate is in exercise physiology. “Gary Player was the guy who took it forward, then Tiger took the mantle. Now Rory is keen to adopt a similar mentality in that he’s making sure that every area of possibility to give him a competitive edge — he’s covering it.”

It’s undeniable now, McIlroy says: Golfers are athletes. “This generation especially,” he says. “Jason Day is a big, strong, athletic-looking guy. That’s the sort of guy you’ll see coming into golf. As golf evolves and people have more knowledge, it’s only beneficial to be athletic and be strong in certain areas. Golf has become a power game, it really has. There’s obviously skill involved, but the longer you can hit it, the more advantage you’re going to have.”

The early stages of McGregor’s work focused on improving McIlroy’s balance, both side-to-side and front-to-back. He couldn’t stand on one leg very long; the shoulder problems came from being “very anterior-dominated, standing over the ball.”

Total-body exercises like deadlifts and squats built the leg strength that is more important to golf than most people realize. Core work provided the stability required for a swing that’s repeatable for a round, a tournament, a year, a career.

Plyometrics—explosive moves like box jumps and medicine-ball throws — helped give that swing more power than ever. His clubhead speed is faster than ever.

Nick Faldo, winner of three Master and three Open Championships in the late ’80s and early ’90s, has known McIlroy since he was a teenage phenom. He likes what he sees.

“He’s elevated himself physically,” Faldo says. “Tiger took it to one level. Now the science of this game is different, they’re all into this explosive training. He’s taken the physical part to another level.”

The greatest golfer ever, Jack Nicklaus, agrees. “Rory’s swing is very much what I call playing golf athletically, from the ground up, where all sports are played from.”

Power, he explains, comes from the feet — that connection to the ground, transmitted through legs, core and (almost incidentally) arms.

“Rory plays golf very much with his feet, and they dominate the tempo, they dominate the start of his swing, certainly starting down. He’s got beautiful rhythm and timing.”

Everyone’s swing is different, but what’s important, Nicklaus says, is “whether it’s athletic and smooth and rhythmic and repeatable. I think Rory’s is all of those.”

Which is why McIlroy is in the gym so often.

Massage didn’t help his sore back five years ago. “So I needed to get in the gym, consulted with Steve,” he says. “At the start I needed to do it. But now I want to do it. Now it’s part of my life. It’s become part of my routine, I enjoy it. I love getting up in the morning. I love the feeling of sweating. It’s a great feeling, you feel like you’ve worked hard, it’s a great way to start your day.”

10 Science Based Ways To Make Your Children Smarter

How To Make Your Children Smarter: 10 Steps Backed By Science

We all want to give our children every advantage so as parents we ask questions like what will make them happier? What type of parenting is best? We also want our children to be as smart as possible.

But what makes children — from babies up through the teen years — smarter? Here are 10 things science says can help:

1) Music Lessons

Plain and simple: research show music lessons make kids smarter: Compared with children in the control groups, children in the music groups exhibited greater increases in full-scale IQ. The effect was relatively small, but it generalized across IQ subtests, index scores, and a standardized measure of academic achievement.

In fact musical training helps everyone, young and old:

A growing body of research finds musical training gives students learning advantages in the classroom. Now a Northwestern University study finds musical training can benefit Grandma, too, by offsetting some of the deleterious effects of aging.

2) The Dumb Jock Is A Myth

Dumb jocks are dumb because they spend more time on the field than in the library. But what if you make sure your child devotes time to both?

Being in good shape increases your ability to learn. After exercise people pick up new vocabulary words 20% faster.

Via Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain: Indeed, in a 2007 study of humans, German researchers found that people learn vocabulary words 20 percent faster following exercise than they did before exercise, and that the rate of learning correlated directly with levels of BDNF.

A 3 month exercise regimen increased blood flow to the part of the brain focused on memory and learning by 30%.

Via Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain: In his study, Small put a group of volunteers on a three-month exercise regimen and then took pictures of their brains… What he saw was that the capillary volume in the memory area of the hippocampus increased by 30 percent, a truly remarkable change.

3) Don’t Read To Your Kids, Read With Them

Got a little one who is learning to read? Don’t let them just stare at the pictures in a book while you do all the reading.

Call attention to the words. Read with them, not to them. Research shows it helps build their reading skills:

…when shared book reading is enriched with explicit attention to the development of children’s reading skills and strategies, then shared book reading is an effective vehicle for promoting the early literacy ability even of disadvantaged children.

4) Sleep Deprivation Makes Kids Stupid

Missing an hour of sleep turns a sixth grader’s brain into that of a fourth grader.

Via NurtureShock: “A loss of one hour of sleep is equivalent to the loss of two years of cognitive maturation and development,” Sadeh explained.

There is a correlation between grades and average amount of sleep.

Via NurtureShock: Teens who received A’s averaged about fifteen more minutes sleep than the B students, who in turn averaged fifteen more minutes than the C’s, and so on. Wahlstrom’s data was an almost perfect replication of results from an earlier study of over 3,000 Rhode Island high schoolers by Brown’s Carskadon. Certainly, these are averages, but the consistency of the two studies stands out. Every fifteen minutes counts.

5) IQ Isn’t Worth Much Without Self-Discipline

Self-discipline beats IQ at predicting who will be successful in life.

From Charles Duhigg’s excellent book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business:

Dozens of studies show that willpower is the single most important keystone habit for individual success… Students who exerted high levels of willpower were more likely to earn higher grades in their classes and gain admission into more selective schools. They had fewer absences and spent less time watching television and more hours on homework. “Highly self-disciplined adolescents outperformed their more impulsive peers on every academic-performance variable,” the researchers wrote. “Self-discipline predicted academic performance more robustly than did IQ. Self-discipline also predicted which students would improve their grades over the course of the school year, whereas IQ did not.… Self-discipline has a bigger effect on academic performance than does intellectual talent.”

Grades have more to do with conscientiousness than raw smarts.

Via How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character: …conscientiousness was the trait that best predicted workplace success. What intrigues Roberts about conscientiousness is that it predicts so many outcomes that go far beyond the workplace. People high in conscientiousness get better grades in school and college; they commit fewer crimes; and they stay married longer. They live longer – and not just because they smoke and drink less. They have fewer strokes, lower blood pressure, and a lower incidence of Alzheimer’s disease.

Who does best in life? Kids with grit.

Via Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us: The best predictor of success, the researchers found, was the prospective cadets’ ratings on a noncognitive, nonphysical trait known as “grit”—defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.”

6) Learning Is An Active Process

Baby Einstein and braintraining games don’t work.

In fact, there’s reason to believe they make kids dumber.

Via Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five: The products didn’t work at all. They had no positive effect on the vocabularies of the target audience, infants 17-24 months. Some did actual harm. For every hour per day the children spent watching certain baby DVD’s and videos, the infants understood an average of six to eight fewer words than infants who did not watch them.

Real learning isn’t passive, it’s active.

What does Dan Coyle, author of The Talent Code recommend? Stop merely reading and test yourself: Our brains evolved to learn by doing things, not by hearing about them. This is one of the reasons that, for a lot of skills, it’s much better to spend about two thirds of your time testing yourself on it rather than absorbing it. There’s a rule of two thirds. If you want to, say, memorise a passage, it’s better to spend 30 percent of your time reading it, and the other 70 percent of your time testing yourself on that knowledge.

7) Treats Can Be A Good Thing — At The Right Time

Overall, it would be better if kids ate healthy all the time. Research shows eating makes a difference in children’s grades: Everybody knows you should eat breakfast the day of a big test. High-carb, high-fiber, slow-digesting foods like oatmeal are best, research shows. But what you eat a week in advance matters, too. When 16 college students were tested on attention and thinking speed, then fed a five-day high-fat, low-carb diet heavy on meat, eggs, cheese and cream and tested again, their performance declined.

There are always exceptions. No kid eats healthy all the time. But the irony is that kids often get “bad” foods at the wrong time.

Research shows caffeine and sugar can be brain boosters: Caffeine and glucose can have beneficial effects on cognitive performance… Since these areas have been related to the sustained attention and working memory processes, results would suggest that combined caffeine and glucose could increase the efficiency of the attentional system.

They’re also potent rewards kids love.

So if kids are going to occasionally eat candy and soda maybe it’s better to give it to them while they study then when they’re relaxing.

8) Happy Kids = Successful Kids

Happier kids are more likely to turn into successful, accomplished adults.

Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents: …happiness is a tremendous advantage in a world that emphasiess performance. On average, happy people are more successful than unhappy people at both work and love. They get better performance reviews, have more prestigious jobs, and earn higher salaries. They are more likely to get married, and once married, they are more satisfied with their marriage.

And what’s the first step in creating happier kids? Being a happy parent.

9) Peer Group Matters

Your genetics and the genetics of your partner have a huge effect on your kids. But the way you raise your kids?

Not nearly as much.

Via Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference: On things like measures of intellectual ability and certain aspects of personality, the biological children are fairly similar to their parents. For the adopted kids, however, the results are downright strange. Their scores have nothing whatsoever in common with their adoptive parents: these children are no more similar in their personality or intellectual skills to the people who raised them, fed them, clothed them, read to them, taught them, and loved them for sixteen years than they are to any two adults taken at random off the street.

So what does have an enormous affect on your children’s behavior? Their peer group.

We usually only talk about peer pressure when it’s a negative but more often than not, it’s a positive.

Living in a nice neighborhood, going to solid schools and making sure your children hang out with good kids can make a huge difference.

What’s the easiest way for a college student to improve their GPA? Pick a smart roommate.

Via The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work: One study of Dartmouth College students by economist Bruce Sacerdote illustrates how powerful this influence is. He found that when students with low grade-point averages simply began rooming with higher-scoring students, their grade-point averages increased. These students, according to the researchers, “appeared to infect each other with good and bad study habits—such that a roommate with a high grade-point average would drag upward the G.P.A. of his lower-scoring roommate.”

10) Believe In Them

Believing your kid is smarter than average makes a difference.

When teachers were told certain kids were sharper, those kids did better — even though the kids were selected at random.

Via The Heart of Social Psychology: A Backstage View of a Passionate Science: …Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson (1968) did the same study in a classroom, telling elementary school teachers that they had certain students in their class who were “academic spurters.” In fact, these students were selected at random. Absolutely nothing else was done by the researchers to single out these children. Yet by the end of the school year, 30 percent of the the children arbitrarily named as spurters had gained an average of 22 IQ points, and almost all had gained at least 10 IQ points.

At this point, I know what some of you are saying: Where are the bullet points? I need bullet points to follow! 

No problem. Here you go:

Sum Up

Music Lessons

The Dumb Jock Is A Myth

Don’t Read To Your Kids, Read With Them

Sleep Deprivation Makes Kids Stupid

IQ Isn’t Worth Much Without Self-Discipline

Learning Is An Active Process

Treats Can Be a Good Thing — At The Right Time

Happy Kids = Successful Kids

Peer Group Matters

Believe In Them

One final note: Intelligence isn’t everything. Without ethics and empathy really smart people can be scary.

As P.J. O’Rourke once said: ‘Smart people don’t start many bar fights. But stupid people don’t build many hydrogen bombs.’

I hope this helps your child be brilliant.